Wednesday, December 8, 2010

how was your day?

As seen on Teen A's facebook status:
Dear father time, today waz AWZME for me, I waz wondering if we could go back in time nd repeat today, PLZ PLZ....... but rely today waz awzme nd 1 of mii favorite dayz

Lucky to Teen A: I see you had had an awesome day today, what happened?

Teen A: Nothing

Lucky: I am so glad we have these talks.

Teen A: *smirk*

Monday, December 6, 2010

Busy days ahead

I was doing so well there for a while, but then...

We got a new puppy!

She's a German Shepard, and is supposed to be our big scary watch dog so we don't get broken into any more!
Her big bad scary dog name is... Juliet.

"You brought WHAT home?!!!???!!!"
Pepper's not really pleased with this decision.
And then the holidays... and tree buying and gift buying, cookies baking and party planning.
Then to top all that off, I sliced off a small piece of my thumb on my brand new, really sharp mandolin slicer.

Ok now ask me WHY I bought a new mandolin slicer when I already had one, go ahead... ask...

"hey Lucky why did you buy a new one?"

Oh that's easy, this one had a cool safety handle or "hand guard", which I forgot to use because I am So used to not having one.
Now let me explain which part of my thumb I sliced off, put your hands on the keyboard, hit the space bar with your right thumb, the entire section that touched the keyboard, I sliced off...


Monday, November 22, 2010

I can be such a jerk...

So, as I mentioned, although you may have missed it, since it was lumped in with a pregnancy scare, my in laws broke the bank this time for us...

Keep in mind, the river is experiencing a slight drought from this, and when I say "river" I mean my bank account, when I say "drought" I mean... You know what I mean!

So last week I e-mailed hubby direct links to 4 things that I have been pining for. Four things to choose from to give me a Merry Christmas... Any one of those 4 things....
They included:
Down Comforter
Throw pillows
Two things you need to know, 1) I am a practical gifter; 2) I gave him exact color, size, qty etc in the list.

So Friday hubby texts and asks "How much money do we have in the account?"
Me "Not much, I need to pay bills"
Hubby "I need 100 dollars"
Me "For?"
Hubby "It's a surprise"

I am now thinking, that the family either going out to dinner, or possibly to the movies...
Against my better judgement, I succumb to his whim...

A couple hours later I get the surprise... A cell phone for me.

A Cell phone that I mentioned 64 yrs ago that I thought was cool, a cell phone that I don't need, a cell phone that now guarentees that I won't get any of the four things on my list.

I was SO PISSED, and a total jerk to him, I feel bad that I was so mean about it but geesh.

I off handly mention a cell phone is cool and I get it.
I give him a list of 4 things I want with specific links and nothing.

Update - I love my phone :-)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Christmas snob

Last night we had a PTA meeting, we are considering a fundraiser in which you sell gift cards and the school gets to keep 2%-15% (depending on the store)
We decided to try it, being it comes at NO COST to us... So I suggested that we announce it and explain it to the parents at the Christmas program, December 4th...

One woman thought it was too late to get a good Christmas sale...

TOO LATE, on December 4th...

She then announced that all, yea you heard me, ALL her christmas shopping is done AND wrapped!!!!

I am pretty sure she must be from outer space... I haven't even figured out what I am getting anyone yet!

What a snob...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

We have a NO go for launch

It seems Mother Nature experienced flight delays... as her "gift" arrived today...

In laymans terms, we will NOT be expanding our family.

The end

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

For the record...

I am NOT convienced that any miracle had indeed taken place... Even though I believe in the motto, If it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck... I don't FEEL like a duck,

Wait, did that make any sense?

If it has, I am ok with that because I have learned that God definatly has a way better plan for me than I could EVER dream up... (not that I am always that accepting of his plan)

Can you even BELIEVE that Thanksgiving is next weekend?

Thanksgiving makes me sad... Why? Because I love to cook a HUGE meal and feed the mulitudes, but the multitudes only seems to include the 4 of us... I feel a little lonely on Thanksgiving. My memories of Thanksgiving usually includes adding card tables all through the house so that everyone can sit. Our Thanksgiving includes the removal of the table leaves to that we aren't too spread out.

Anyone wanna come over for Thanksgiving???? I'll do all the cooking and cleaning...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I have a secret...

And since most of you are don't actually know me in person...

Here goes...

I missed my period.

It's TWO weeks past due. My boobs are tender. I am sensitive to smells. I am peeing constantally.

BUT, no really, I mean BUT, I have FAILED 2 home pee sticks... they both said negative...

I'm gonna wait a couple weeks and try again... different brand.

A Clueless lucky

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Teen A

Did you catch that? "TEEN A" no more pre-teen A???
Now your with me, my precious little pre-teen A is now officially 13 and no longer a pre-teen...
Excuse me while I go cry for a minute...

tick, tock....

*sniffle* Ok I am back and somewhat composed... As composed as a mother of a real live teenage girl can be at least!

Anyways... the in laws came, broke a camp chair, and my bank account and then left on their merry way... I mean seriously, you KNOW that hubby won't accept your money for groceries... So you wait until he is home and in your path of conversation to offer me a few bucks for groceries? I on the other hand will say "thank you" and then go to the store... to shop.

Teen A had a roller skating party, which a few of her girl friends showed up for and her boyfriend! Brave boys to show up, in her daddy's presence and roller skate for 4 hours with his daughter... nice boy though, as nice as a hormonal boy that likes my well developed daughter can be.

Sunday the in-laws drug me out shopping, I say drug me because I was having an allergy attack, felt like poop, bought nothing and then got stuck with the tab for dinner...

Monday, I actually called off work, that's how poopy I felt... althought in between moments of feeling better and poopyness I did manage to clean/dust the living room (yikes! has that been neglected!)
Tuesday, I called off work again! YEA! I has a fever of 100.6! I only dragged my hiney off the couch long enough to go pee and heat water for tea...
Wednesday I am at work, actually working? not so much, but I am here in presence trying to recoup... If I talk for more than 20 seconds it strains my throat and I have a coughing fit, so I can't talk, and hubby thinks it's Christmas.

Well, that should catch everyone up... Talk to you soon!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

Mail Defiency

Well, in true self absorbed, total schmuck form, I forgot to mail my BFF's birthday card. I also forgot to mail my dad's and step-mom's birthday cards, as well as my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary card. While I'm on the subject, I forgot to mail my mom's mother's day card, which resulted in a horribly nasty e-mail from her.

So if you recall, BFF and I had a squirmish of sorts for the first time ever... It totally sucks, and thought I would have heard from her by now. I don't know, maybe she waiting for me to get my head outta my @ss?? I was planning on extending an olive branch with a birthday card and then a text message, but.. yep! You guessed it, totally forgot. *facepalm*

It's hard to argue that it's not all about me, and that I am not self absorbed when I take an honest look at my track record and how it must appear to her.

I guess someone (me) needs to work on her listening skills.

So... any ideas? How do I tell her I am sorry, and happy birthday with out digging my "total schmuck" hole even deeper?


PS: BFF, if you still read this... Miss you, Love you, I'm Sorry and Happy Birthday.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wardrobe Malfunction

Ever have one of those days?

Yesterday morning as I was attempting to dress for work, I came to the horrifying realization that I actually had nothing to wear... I haven't done laundry in.. uh.. forever and a half... leaving me with that one pair of crumpled panties in the back corner of your underware drawer... You know the ones, the ones that you pull out, think *gee, these are cute, wonder why they are shoved clear back in the corner of my drawer* So, like an unsuspecting victim of a horror film, you walk outside to find the noise, I mean you decide to wear the panties, instead of... what do girls call it when they go with out panties? We don't exactaly "freeball" it... Anyways, you get my drift...
Then the LAST pair of dress pant you own are hanging there, laughing because they know you are about to be forced to wear them. Why is this so bad? These are the pants that Preteen A put in the dryer, shrunk up, and now I roll up to create the illusion of cuffed capris. Not that I think I am fooling anyone... which is why they were the last pair of pants hanging there.

So as it is pouring down rain, I throw on my heals and run off to work.

About an hour after I arrive, I realize the errors of my ways... The reason the panties are clear in the back of the drawer... NO ELASTIC! Every step I take, every move it make, they are falling down around my hips, which is leaving the oddest bunched up ring around my body. Oh and lucky me, guess what else, the zipper of my pants seems to be faulty and has a new phobia of heights! Yes, I was in a constant XYZ situation ALL DAY!

But, I have a moment of light... I have to go to the store to get water, and tape for work. While I am in there, I am gonna buy a pair of panties and little sock peds to wear with my heels, as my feet are freezing!

I bought the wrong size panties, in a thong, and the socks were too big.

I COULD NOT WAIT to get home and strip! My nightgowns was on at 6:15pm

Monday, October 25, 2010

Once a cheerleader always a cheerleader...

Yesterday we were in the car going out to buy halloween costumes... I asked preteen A use her phone to find the halloween store "Spirit"

Preteen A: Mom, how do you spell spirit?
Me: S-P-I-R-I-T *clap clap*
Preteen A: Wait, what? How do you spell it?
Me: S-P-I-R-I-T *clap clap*
Hubby: Stop cheering....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


So, I recently found out that my daughter had a secret facebook account...
She called herself "Billy" based on a character in her favorite book....

Her "About me" said... "Aren't I SO smart, I'm not allowed to have a facebook account so I made one up. My mom doesn't know about it, I'm so kewl"

So I started randomly calling her "billy" it would make her jump a little, but no confession and she kept posting on her fb account...

One day, I had had it and sent her a friend request that said "busted" in the message... She grounded, we were the worst parents ever... blah blah blah... but the bust part?

The best part was this on her fb wall:

Taylor(her bff)-Yea so smart, just like when she walked by and said Hey Billy, hahahahaa
Billy(my daughter) - ik :(

That was funny...

Out of Commission

I have been out of commission for a few days, corn maze, work followed by an allergy attack...
Will bring you up to speed soon.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Dr appts...

Today is Dr Appt day... Preteen A has to get anouther round of vaccines, no biggie.
Little P however is another story... My sweet Little P has had bowel problems since she was born... It has been a LONG frustrating journey, and I wish I could say I feel hopeful, and maybe I do, a little... but history tells me not to get too excited. I will spare you details since most of you are reading this during your morning coffee, but I did write about out plight a few years ago here. Well since then, she's been tested for diabeties at least once more to come back negative, I was asked to read a book called "Sugar Busters" which I have, and changed about 75% of our eating habits... Nothing has changed.
When I try to discuss the problem with a peditrician... they assume I have her on a McD's/BK diet. Reality is we eat fast food maybe once every couple weeks.
Or they will yell at me to "give her some fresh vegatables!" before they ever thought to ask about her current diet.

What's different about today??? We are going to a Pediatric Gastroenterolgist. So a little prayer that they may do more than make assumptions and discard us.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

what a week so far...

Monday, had to cater and do a huge presestation to about 20 people... and then we completely tore down the office aquarium. Then Little P had her "crossing over"ceremony from a Junior Girl Scout, to a Cadet.
Tuesday, At 7am (5 minutes before I leave the house) I realized that I never washed the cleaning ladys rags and towels. Yes, I know it's odd, but one of my assumed duties... In my feeble attempt to wash them, then throw them in the dryer, drop the kids off at thier schools, then swing back around to get the dried towels... well they weren't dry at all and the ONLY thing i accomplished was being late for work. That day was crazy, only to rush home to go straight to PTO fall festival planning meeting...
Today, I am driving hubby's truck because I am buying 2 more hens today... Which means I need to get ready, get a container for food and water, grab some straw... Stop by a friends to borrow a dog crate... and I have NO obligation after work!!!!!

ps. Hubby found the battery charger for the camera... which means pictures for you!

Monday, October 11, 2010


Well, I had to work this weekend, another open house... That is quickly losing it's charm...

I didn't allocate much blog time this morning, actually I didn't allocate any at all, (I'm at work)

So all I have time to say is "Good morning, may your Monday not suck"

Til Later...


Friday, October 8, 2010

FRIDAY at last, oh how I've missed you...

To all of you out there fretting about my hygiene.... The water is back on...



Well anyways, it's Friday, and that means I get to spend 5 hours hosting an Open house, that also means "bring a good book".

Is it just me or do you sleep better getting in to a well made bed? I mean, I know I sleep better when the bed has been made and everything is tucked in and smoothed out just right... what I can't figure out is if it's a mind over matter kinda thing...

Oh, my boss recently revealed that he majored in psychology in college... If he was ever trying to figure out a way to shut me up... he found it!

I'm excited that it is Friday and can't compose more than 2 sentences that are related... Hence the randomness...

I took a sign language class last winter and loved it, loved it SO much, that I mentioned to the boss man we should make that our real estate "niche" and cater to the Huge deaf community in our area.

ok, that is most of the crap on my mind today...

Have a Fabulous Weekend!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

desert land

Well... like a total bone head... I forgot to pay the water bill. Not that it would be a big deal, but around these parts... 5 days after your late notice they shut the water off while you are at work, only to come home to hear your hubby say "Are there any other bills you didn't pay I need to know about?" Noooo. The Preteen A, " I have a fieldtrip tomorrow and "you know who" is in my group... I have to wash my hair, I need to look goood" We'll wash your hair, don't worry. Little P rejoiced "Yes! I don't have to take a shower today" Me? I ordered a pizza and tried not to play with my hair and make it greasy...
Well I am off to take my "slut" bath...
Have a good day..

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Unrulely kids and parents

Last night was preteen A's choir concert. They did an excellent job. What surprises me is the blatent disregard the parents display toward the teachers and students.

1. First off, as the chorus director is trying to tell us how great our kids are, all the parents and talking among themselves... It's actually embarrassing to be sitting among them.

2. The family behind us... It would seem that grandma was holding the 3-4 yr old child and she wanted down! I know this because they were directly behind hubby, and the child, in her attempt to get down squirmed, kick and cried. If you can't control the kid take them out of the room, there are other people there too.

3. In between songs, another 3-4 year old girl finally spotted her sister on stage... To which she cried out "Sissy, you having fun?" the audience giggled, the director raised her arms to start the song and... She yelled to her sister again, and again... all in all about 9 times, it stopped the concert, and it wasn't until then the mother actually thought to do anything about her antics.

I've had toddlers, I know sometimes they can get a little... unruley... but really? Parents, step up! If your kids want to act like that at home, fine. when other people are there trying to watch their children as well, get a grip on your kids or take them outside.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Deadly Women

There are three things you need to know for this story to be funny...

1. My husband has a barely receding hairline and a thinning crown.
2. My husband bought his first pair of reading glasses.
3. My husband's arm is bruised from elbow to sholder.

Ok, with those facts in mind, my hubby was watching a show called "Deadly Woman" about murderous women, duh. So there was this granny lady that was slowing killing her husband with rat poison... His symptoms? Thinning hair, vision loss, arm pain.

My hubby is starting to wonder if I am poisoning him. I reminded him that I am NOT a patient woman, and if I were so inclinded, if I ever decided to "off" him, it would be quick.

I bet that makes him sleep a lot better at night.

Hoarder next door

I think I may have an unhealthy addiction the the two shows on TLC and A&E, Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive. That show is like a car accident... It completely grosses me out, but I can NOT stop watching. The kids run in fear when ever I watch, because they know things are about to be thrown away... So the benefit is their rooms seem to stay a little neater...

From watching this show, and putting a name to this... chaos. I noticed that there is a hoarder that lives down the road from me... We first made fun of the fact that they mowed (once a month) around the scooter in the front yard... then we noticed things appearing on the front porch. Then one day as we drove past, someone was walking out of the house and 1-they couldn't open the front door all the way and 2-We could see a nano second of a glimpse inside.

A am dying to get in that house... I know it's gotta be disturbing, but the organization nut in me is fascinated by it. If you or anyone you know want am amateur organizer/therapist to help them clean up a hoarder home... Look me up!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Real bonafide fresh eggs

This past spring I finally talked my husband into letting me get a couple chickens... I know you all probably think I am completely nuts, but I live in the country, on several acres, amd I thought chickens would be a good beginner live stock to own...
Aren't the adorable?
Well, now they are big, the rooster scares me sometimes and black and white was killed by a neighborhood dog. So that leaves me with "Rudy" the rooster and what I like to call "the twins".
Yesterday, one of the twins, laid her first egg!!!! I am SO excited! They are finally giving back...

Friday, October 1, 2010

Meanest mom ever... That's ME!

So this morning, after I dropped off Little P and after I dropped off preteen A at her bus stop, 5-10 min later she sends a text saying "Stop at the school and drop of 14 bucks for field trip"
I reply "I can't" (why can't I, you ask? It's called the drop off line and then momma is 45 min late for work) and then call her...

At that moment I was in a place that I could turn and possibly intercept the bus, I asked her where the next stop was after hers, she got snotty and said "you've never been on this road" I assure her I know where she is going if she would just tell me... She says "forget it, I have my own money" I said 'GREAT!" she said "FINE!" I know, I know, I fine example of maturity...

So I turn back around and start heading to work... 5-10 minutes later I receive this text "Never mind, I don't have enough money" I said"Sorry, I am too far away now" She "whatever'd me and will be losing her phone and party privilege this weekend...

Can I Scream now?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lousy Day..

I am SO glad yesterday is over! My BFF got mad at me, My mom was randomly lecturing me, my cousin seemed to kinda doing the same thing, the drive through lady at chick-fil-a got snotty with me and my boss, in not so many words, indicated that I am taking advantage of him.

I'll explain the last one... This summer I went from a part time, 1099 employee to a full blown salary employee. With the understanding that (in his mind) that I'd usually work 40-50 hours and the occasional 35 a week. SOOO making me salary would benefit him, and it did during the summer because my kids were at grandma's and I worked all kinds of hours.

Now that school is in session... My hours are not so flexible... the kids get on the bus at 7:20, then I make my 0 min journey to work and start by 8am... Then, I never take more than 30 minutes for lunch ( not that the boss man would notice because he is hardly ever there) but I do that so if we miss the bus one day, or we have a dr appt there is no problem. Then keep in mind the 40-45 min drive and the daycare closes at 6pm... I have to be out the door by 5:10. So yesterday I volunteered to work a couple open houses during our parade of homes on the weekends so that in 3 weeks, when the kids have 2 days off for fall break, I could comfortably ask for those days off. Well when I mentioned this to him yesterday, he stated that the hour scale (50-35) has been one sided and I am always off on an emergency...

I am BEYOND pissed... He quickly forgets that I stayed until 5:45 last week when his sales contract came in at 4:59pm, and I needed to scan and convert and blah blah blah... Or the time he needed me at work by 7:30, so I took Preteen A to a friends at 6:15 in the morning and Little P to morning daycare. Being a single guy his whole life, he has NO idea what coordination it takes to make those kinds of adjustments.

Oh and might I add, I am DEAD IN THE WATER at work right now... yesterday, I cleaned out the fridge... Just for something to do... I not exactly leaving him in a bind...
I would really like to go back to hourly, so if I need to take my kids to the Dr, I can, with out guilt. Just don't pay me for 2 hours! AND if we aren't doing ANYTHING anyways, let me take a day off with my kids? GRRRRrrrrrrr.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Short and Sweet

I only have 4 minutes before i have to get in the shower and start the day, but as I mentioned, I miss my blog life. So I am still in the process of cutting back on facebook, which has been surprisingly easy and instead of the usual mad dash for the shower 10 min past schedule. Today I was left with 4 minutes to spare...

With now only two minutes remaining I can't get into a long story about my liar liar pants on fire children. I will save that for another time, but right now, I am just working on getting back in the habit of blogging...

We'll talk again soon


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I miss my blog life...

I do, I really miss it, yet as I went from part time employement to full time, and became the treasurer of the PTO, and run a kid to Girl Scouts once a week... That thing I once took for granted, free-time, is now greatly missed.

I miss my outlet of story telling, I have no outlet for this at work because my office consists of me and my boss... Who is male and doesn't care about my totally awesome new hot pink purse.

He doesn't care about my crafty paint project, or manicures, or the stupid things my kids do.

This leaves me with a pent up over abundence of words that I can't get out on a daily basis...

I may need to tweek my schedule, which would mostly consist of limiting facebook...

Then maybe there would be time to resume blogging...

I mean, my oldest daughter is about to turn 13, I need reinforcements, I just discovered TWO secret facebook accounts... and can I just say... it is gonna sound horribly inappropiate but... the girl has passed me up, in ahh... her... oh heck, she has bigger boobs than me!!!!

Oh and did I tell you??? We were robbed a 3rd time this year!

Monday, May 3, 2010

You've you la

Saturday morning, hubby and I took little P to Home depot to do her monthly kid craft... Then hubby did a little shopping since it was his birthday and he had all his tools stolen... This is only only relevent to the conversation you are about to hear, because of it's completely unrelated topic. We checked out and were heading home when little P, from the back seat, said:

Little P: Would we be able to talk if we didn't have a uvula?

Me/Hubby: (Busted a gut laughing)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

ok fine, you didn't miss me... so what. But I have a FUNNY!!!

P: Mommy?
Me: Yea?
P: I think the star closest to the earth is about 5 mega pixels away.
Me: You think (snickering)
P: Yea, that sounds about right.
Me: Something like that.

Little P walks out of the room...
Preteen A: What are you laughing about?
Me: Something Little P said..
Preteen A: I heard but don't know what's funny about it.
Me: (full blown, side splitting laughter)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Umm, hi... Remember me?

Ok, so the good news is... I am still alive and kicking... I know, some of you were worried... I realized my last post was like 5 months ago! Crazy, huh?
Since then, what's happened you ask? Well...
School was canceled several times for a dusting of snow
I started taking sign language classes
I went to a fancy schmancy meeting
My daughter LIKED the shirt I bought
I watched Ohio State kick Michigan hiney
My husband and daughter went to WWE wrestling
Saw Avatar... wow.
Fell of the sled trying to "surf"
Fought with my kids about clothes
Volunteered to dice 12 onions for Chili cook off
Started creating a family cookbook
Got angry with postal workers
Sold 200 boxes of Girl Scout cookies
Had my home broken into
Began classes to get my real estate license
had my mom come to visit
Little P fractured her ankle
My car broke down
Had someone on speaker phone call me a moron to my boss
Had my car fixed and then it broken down again
Had my car fixed
Had the tool shed broken into...

That about sums it up... at least brings you up to date... Questions?

Have you missed me?