Monday, December 12, 2011

Tragedy & Sadness

Tragedy - Sunday after Thanksgiving, I ventured to the Sunday night service... the youth pastor is speaking tonight about letting God's love shine through you. 5am the next morning, hubby calls to say our friend's son shot himself, he is alive. These friends are more like acquaintances... they are not always easy to love. As I race to the hospital I pray... "God, let them see your love through me, let them see your mercy and grace and use me to show them your unconditional love... God let them see your love through me..." The entire family goes to see him almost every night... They say, you've done enough, you don't have too, and I know that, but it's not me showing them this love, like I said, I find them difficult to love sometimes, but God doesn't. He has simply answered my prayer and so I go with a loving heart that I am not capable of. He is healing physically, I hope spiritually as well. 2 1/2 weeks later, he may get to come home Tuesday... Pray for him and his family.

Sadness - The sadness has been a bit overwhelming lately, I thought I was healing, I wasn't crying over the loss of my dad daily anymore... but then, it crept back in and took hold. Only it's not daily, it's multiple times a day... I can't explain it. Hubby doesn't understand it, or... or is the sadness more than grief? I can't tell... I feel "ok" when I deliberately set my mind on other things, but at the slightest memory, my eyes fill with tears and I began deep breathes to hold it in... Am I grieving loss? Regret? Guilt? Or is it just the first Holiday?