Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Fear is the path to the dark side.

In 5th grade students are required to write an essay. They are allowed to choose a "maxim" which is a list of 70 different quotes, or words of wisdom. Included are everything from Abe Lincoln to Confucious to Homer Simpson. Here is my 10 yr old, Little P's maxim and essay... Prepare to be blown away, it's deep. Maxim: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Yoda, in Star Wars: the Phantom Menace When I heard the phrase “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” I thought how my own fear has lead to hate. Fear is the path to the dark side. When I think of this, I thought of when we have free time and I sit in the dark room and just think about how my friends life is way more exciting, while I am afraid to try something new, get it wrong and then teased. At least they always have something to do all the time while I just sit on a computer. Fear leads to anger. When I feel afraid I take it out on everyone because I don’t want people to know I’m afraid, so I become angry. I use my anger to hide my fear. I’ve always been the toughest girl and I don’t want that to change. Anger leads to hate. I remember when I am really mad at someone I say that I hate them and I know at least everyone, at least once has said they hate their parents. Hate leads to suffering. Now that my fear as lead to hate, I am suffering alone because no one wants to be around someone who hates everything. This makes me realize that if I keep living my life like this I will end up with no friends and no one will like me. My fear is keeping me away from reality. I really want to change my life and it’s gonna happen soon. I just hope that I don’t get too far into my sadness and stop.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Insurance, can't live with it, can't live with out it

So... I may have mentioned once or twice or 3,482 times that we were robbed last year THREE times... No, I haven't mentioned it? Hmmm, Could have sworn that came up in a conversation or two... Anyways... friday, when I can come from work and was going through the mail, I noticed that our annual home owners renewal envelope seemed a little, shall we say, thin. Thin as a college rejection letter... you know the one, thick package means they want you, thin envelope means "We regret to inform you..." Sorry, got a little side tracked there... I open the letter and it says they are not renewing out policy due to "Risk Characteristics and increased exposure to Loss" Well ain't that a kick in the ribs!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

for who's glorification?

I read something today... Something profound. It was from a Christian Fiction book I was reading... character A was commenting on Character B's huge home and abundant blessing...
Character B said, all their blessings were for God's glory, not their own. The home was used by youth fellowship, church gathering... all to glorify God.

So I asked myself... that ridiculous prayer I prayed to __________ (win the lottery, get a raise, get a new car, magically lose weight, make my children succeed...) all of which were not answered, I wondered to myself...

Did I ask for these things as a mean to glorify God, or myself?

Well, that question was simple to answer, it was for myself, I shamefully confess. I didn't ask for a better vehicle so that I could pick up extra kids for youth group. I want a nicer car than the one I have.

I didn't ask to lose weight to be healthier and more fit to participate in more activities, I simply wanted to be prettier.

I didn't ask to win the lottery to build an orphanage for children, I just didn't want to have to worry about finances anymore.

It's time to make over my prayers...