News from the home front

1. No baby decision has been made, not that one was scheduled to be made yet... but in case you were wondering... no decision.
2. Hubby is back to work and has been transferred to the Engineering Dept. which is an awesome thing.
3. Today is my dad's birthday... He's 63, today is also my friend Penny's birthday she's 49, not that any of this matters to you. You may find it interesting that I dread this phone call... Why? Well, it is just such a painful call at times... I will post our dialogue later, you'll see.
4. I completely lost it on my daughter this morning...After I woke her 472 times, she finally dressed and went back to sleep, then I yelled and screamed and she brushed her teeth and hair and went to watch TV, I stomped, screamed, snarled and snorted and she finally put her shoes, coat and backpack on. When I went outside she was REFUSING to get in the back seat because Sissy was in the front (it's a 2 door) It was at that moment that I said:

Get in the car

Get in the car

Get in the car!!!

Which echoed off every hill, and down every hollow in the county...

Great start to the day...

just can't make any sense of my feelings

ok, blog sisters... I really need you here... I have previously mentioned the idea of having another baby... but it was really all talk and no action... Until recently.

Hubby took me out to lunch(that should have been my first clue) and toward the end of our meal he said "We need to talk" oh great, I'm thinking, what did I screw up now? "I've been thinking about this for a while now and I do want to have another baby, now I don't want you to make any decisions right away, just think about it" ok sure, I'll think about it...

Here's the problem, my decision changes with the wind. One day I feel all maternal and lovey and we took our girls to the library and hubby picked out a book "Preconception diet, Boy-Diet A, Girl-Diet B" which was fine until I saw that it was written in 1982,and it said "based on recent discoveries about the use of alcohol during pregnancy, we have omitted them from the diet" and the first day mentions Cow Tongue...Sorry sweet heart, I don't love you that much.

Then the wind blows and I remember that I have a (almost)12 yr old and 9 yr old. So that means when the new baby FINALLY starts kindergarten, the girls will be juniors and freshmen in HS. Seriously?

Then, directional wind change... we have 2 girls, and I would guess if we only had boys that I would long for a girl... Would I? Not June, do you ever wished your had gone one more time to get a girl? Stacy? any regrets ladies? I NEED TO KNOW!

Quite frankly, and I know this is might sound strange, but I am way more in love with my hubby now than when we had babies... we were still kids our selves... (I was 22 and 25 when they were born) I think experiencing having a child with this man would be exciting... and completely different from the first two, when he thought I had aliens in my belly and didn't even want to feel them kick...

And then I feel like Lynette from Desperate housewives after she found out she was pregnant... Here watch Hormones

I sometimes feel like I am too old to have more, and then realize that the reason I hang out with woman 10-15 years older than me is because we have the same ages kids and they all started at my age... Started... See I had my two girls at age 22 and age 25, I am now 34... Which I am having a hard time gripping with that I am not too old... I actually had convinced myself that it was too late... Door shut... seems it never got shut all the way...

How does anyone PLAN to have a child? I am a train wreck... My thoughts are scrambled, as is this post (sorry) One day I am ready to just let God bless me in what ever way he sees fit, and then the next I think... yeah right... have you not seen the sense of humor he has? He'll bless me alright, with twins and before you know it, I have have 3 more...

I just can't make any sense of my feelings, hormones, maternal desires... Do I want this, or do I want this for Hubby? Will I resent him? Will I flourish?

**Sigh**

I truly don't know what I want.

Hello God, Can we talk?

See I am having trouble figuring out how I can be a godly woman, and my MIL can be a godly woman, and how she makes my head want to explode and all the non-godly things that I struggle to overcome all the time come out?

Hmmm?

See, in a rational sense, I love her, but quite frankly I am tired of her ... gee I'm just a naive christian woman excuse... I mean, if she SERIOUSLY thought I was watching my weight, and on a diet, and proclaim that she desperatly needed to loose weight, then why did she buy 3 boxes of klondike bars, 3 half gallons of ice cream, 1 jumbo bag of hershey's chocolate, nacho cheese and chips?

If she really was "just about to empty the garbage", how come she never actually does?

Quite frankly, I don't care if she doesn't... it's the constant "I was just about to do that" comment, and the grand gesture she makes of everything... She actually said to my mom, "Don't worry about mopping the floor, I did that yesterday"

Then, when we are turned around in an unfamiliar part of town, and she is screaming or I mean talking on the phone and hubby askes her to be quite... and then I tell her to be quiet, and she continues SQUACK SQUACK SQUACK... and I say "Let it GO! He can't hear the GPS"

I have to apologize because I hurt her feelings...

God, I am angry and having trouble letting this go...

How come...

How come...

...my MIL can assume that I am earnestly attempting to watch my weight, but I can not assume her current hair color wasn't a freak accident?

...the television is hooked up to subwoofers so that they can hear but when I get up at 5 am and step on that one squeaky board, they wake up and invade my quiet time?

...noone offers to unload the dishwasher/fold clothes/cook dinner until I am 75% done doing it myself?

Just wondering...

The Cabin

I mentioned in a previous post that we were building a cabin... in the woods behind out house... First we had to clear out a section of wood were the trees were younger and was kinda flat... I live in the foothills of the Smokey Mountians so the term FLAT is relative... Hubby removed all the large logs and bushes adn rode John Deere in... where he chopped and chewed poison ivy and covered himself in it.

See, it's not far from the house... Just far enough for a little privacy...

I guess I forgot to take a picture when we just had the floor down and then the walls, probably cuz I was doing hard work and sweaty... We made the trusses ourself...

Ok all the trusses are up... We should have had a video of that fiasco... Hubby on a ladder, we wedging a 2x4x12 between the braces, hoisting it up in the air, while hubby grabbed an end and put it in the bracket and screwed it in before my arms completely gave out... One wall goes up... woot woot!

So this past summer when hubby and I went to Ohio I saw these old oak planks that were weathered and worn sitting in her garage... I ask hubby to beg for them, they had been sitting forever, and shes a borderline hoarder... So hubby brought is totally awesome wood home for me... Doesn't it make it look all rustic, as though the barn has been here for 50 years!

We salvaged a door from a remodel, along with a window and siding (for the back, we didn't have enough wood for the whole thing) We don't have a window for the window up stairs so we have to hang a tarp for now

Found a great futon on craigslist.org for 30 bucks, and then went to Lowe's and got a HUGE piece of carpet (beccause it was the end) for 8 DOLLARS!

Hubby built stairs up to the loft...

Ok, not the greatest picture, but we put two layers of padding, and then carpet, and the loft area is about 6'x 10' plenty of room!

The loft.

Preteen A asked to sleep out there, alone, then changed her mind and asked Little P to go with her... I wonder how long they will last??? It's 9 now and they are heading out soon... my guess, they'll be back by 11...

We'll see!

I didn't see that coming...

I had started a book report about a month ago, and finished it today. Even though I hit PUBLISH today, it posted on August 13, and I wonder if anyone would have even noticed it was there??? So that you don't have to dig through my archives... you can click here to read my review.

So, I was wondering... does anyone else ever feel rushed to unload her grocery cart in to their vehicle? What is the unpublished rule of acceptable time? If a car is waiting for your spot do you take the cart back to the cart return? I find it odd that when I am loading my cart I am careful not to crush the bread or chips, but as soon as I get to my car, I feel this overwhelming urgency to cram it in and get out...

Yesterday, Labor day, made me feel a little home sick. Mostly because it is a day for family picnics and get togethers... we don't have any extended family around... so the day seemed incomplete. Of course we were invited to spend the day with friends, I was very excited to go, but preteen A had the audacity to present a fever... so we couldn't go. :-(

Stay tuned for pictures of the cabin... (hopefully tomorrow, but maybe not, Preteen just mentioned a Science modle due TOMORROW!)

So many thoughts... no personal time.

I really would like to tell you about a book I read called the Noticer, in fact I started a "book report" post about a month ago still hanging out in the draft section...
I like to also tell you about the cabin we are building out of scrap material, and how awesome it is, with pictures!
I also would like to start sewing some aprons, in an attempt to make some Christmas money... Yes I said it. Christmas!! Christmas, christmas....
About the fact the preteen has a boyfriend, and hubby is having chest pains.
I am even considering not using birth control... But for the LOVE do not tell anyone, because everyone (my mother) would think I was completely crazy, and I'll probably just tell her it was an accident! Well how about that, I am the .01% that got prenant... tee hee hee
I probably am crazy considering that my last post mentioned that we qualify for free/reduced lunch... But hubby goes back to work Oct 6th, and we'll be gettign real paychecks then.
Oh an in reference to the bok I mentioned, my attempt to start trying to change some things about myself... like judging, and following through with my intentions... but more on that later.
So I used to blog every morning... but hubby is not working right now, so I am not alone with my thoughts... my thoughts and I are very very modest... we don't like anyone looking over my shoulder as they are revieled... So here I am at work, and everyone is at lunch, and me being the crazy rebel that I am... well, I decided to blog.

Oh HEY, Did I tell you? My house in Florida FINALLY SOLD!!!! It was a short sale, but no foreclosure me me... WOO HOO Baby!!!