Hubby

Yet another reason why I love my husband:

The day we returned to work after my dad passed one of hubby's co-workers approached him and said "Sorry to hear about your father-in-law... Did he leave you anything?"

My husband looked at him square in the eye and said "Yes. His daughter"



I can't even type that without tearing up, don't worry dad, I'm in good hands.

My dad.

I am back home, and back to work. Everything regarding my dad's funeral went really well. Everything was beautiful and all 6 of us kids/step & half got along beautifully.

I feel like there is a piece of my heart missing. I cry all the time. I miss him so much.



I am finding out things that I never knew, that I am sure he found insignificant, like the fact that once a week he went to the local F.I.S.H. food pantry and bagged groceries and carried them to people's cars.



I am sure many of you are OVER hearing me grieve my dad, but you are just gonna have to suffer for a while... One of these days, I be back to my silly, sarcastic self.



I will leave you with this... a letter written to us by someone who knew my dad:



Please pass my sympathy along to Joe Owen's daughter.
I cannot express enough my fond feelings and memories of Joe and the calmness that he was able to bring my busy life while I was at Hill International. Joe was a truly a man that I respect for his professionalism as well as his true concern for others. On very stressful days Joe was able to spot this and knew the right thing to say or do to assist me thru these times.
Once on a day where I thought I was near the end of my rope, Joe said to me "wait right there, I have something to help you". He then left my office for a few minutes and returned with a plaque that had the serenity prayer on it. Joe advised me to read it whenever I felt that the stress to go on was overwhelming.
Well, it now hangs in my home office a forever reminder of this great man whom passed thru my life's journey.....never to be forgotten. I am sure there are many stories of how this wonderful man touched lives that his family never knew and only kept alive in the hearts he touched.
With heartfelt respect,
Joe M

Prayer Request for my dad

Last month my dad was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. His health has been spiraling downward at a rapid pace because he has continued his unhealthy lifestyle. If he would change, the disease’s progression could slow down or stop.

Wednesday, August 10th at 11:30 he has another Doctor’s appt. His Dr is planning on explaining that he is NOT a “Dead Man Walking” as he proclaims. He does have options, there is help, and there are programs available.

I feel like this is could be the last opportunity for my dad to be rescued from this addiction. He is going to need to overwhelmingly feel the spirit of the Lord, and together, with your help, I believe we can do that.

I am asking all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ to take just 1-5 minutes (on Wednesday Aug 10th at 11:30) and pray with me for my dad. We may not be united physically, but we can be united spiritually. Please pray for his salvation, for a friend for him, for his heart to soften and hear the doctor's plea, for courage and strength to fight, for respect for his own life...

Jordan

Back to school... and Dad

EEK! My kids come home today! I know they had a blast in Florida the past 2 weeks with O'ma, and hubby and I had a great time reconnecting with each other, but oh I have missed them and and can't wait to have them home.

Went to a new church yesterday... we loved our old church, but it was so far away we couldn't get involved... So we started looking at the small community churches close to home. OF COURSE, there was a guest speaker there today... but I am looking forward to going back next Sunday.

It seems my dad is deteriorating quickly... He doesn't eat, he only drinks, he has lost a ton of weight and I am told he is very skinny, his belly is swollen, he sleeps 11-15 hrs a day and as of this past Thursday his eyes are showing signs of jaundice. He feels as though he is a "dead man walking" the damage is done and he has no options. He has a Doctor's appt on Thursday and the Dr. is once again going to try to explain that he DOES have an option, he HAS to stop drinking and there are programs and facilities to help him.

SO Thursday's post is going to be a prayer for my dad. For his salvation, for a friend for him, for his heart to soften and hear the doctor's plea, for courage and strength to fight, for respect for his own life...

What I am asking is for everyone who reads this, pray for my dad Thursday, email it to you prayer warriors, link it on your blog, call you best friend... He is going to need to overwhelmingly feel the spirit of the Lord, and together, with your help, I believe we can do that.

Another Dad update

My brother is in Ohio on a family visiting vacation. He is the first one of us 3 kids to see dad since he got sick, since Dad is in Ohio, My brother lives in Virginia, my sister is in Florida and me of course in TN.
He was shocked to see the deterioration of my dad's health, he said his arms and legs are very skinny but his belly large swollen to the point that it looked hard. When my brother arrived at 11am, my dad was just waking up from bed, ate a half a crab cake and nothing else the entire time he was there (4-5 hrs). My dad was very emotional, believes he is dying, believes that he has no options, and believes that he is to blame for his illness. He kept telling my brother he has Liver Cancer, when we all know that it's cirrhosis... i think he just can't bring himself to say it.
Yesterday I received a txt from my brother stating that us 3 kids needed to have a conference call. Obviously regarding my dad, but what part... no idea.
Then I received a txt stating that he was going to see dad's dr tomorrow at 9:30 and what question did we have? Honestly, my only two questions are: Can you help him with the pain? How long do I have left with him?
I went to Al-Anon last night. I managed to introduce myself, but that was it. "my name's Lucky" and they said "Hi Lucky" I had a huge lump on my throat the entire meeting, eyes brimming with tears, I didn't say a word and as soon as the meeting was over, I RAN for my car and bawled. A few minutes later, i heard a tap tap on my window, one of the people from inside said "My first 6 weeks, I came to meeting didn't utter a word, and cried in my car afterwards. Keep coming back" Funny, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Mom, Dad, Kids...

Somethings going on right now...
Talked to my Dad, asked how he was doing... "not great, I hurt all over, and am in a lot of pain". At the same time he is elusive about the cirrhosis, almost as though if he admits to it, then we will find out he drinks too much. I really think he doesn't think we know.
So hubby's upbringing is that of a story book, so I sent him a text (yes a text) asking if he had ever heard of al-anon, he replied, "WHO'S that?" sigh... I explained that it was a support group for family members of alcholics, and that I was thinking about going... I'm not sure he quite understands.
Funny thing is, I wouldn't have even told him if I didn't need to explain where I was going... Telling him that I wanted to go, took me weeks to get the courage to mention it. I also realized if that was that hard for me, I can't imagine how hard it would be for my dad to try AA.

Enough of that for now...

I broke my pinky toe Sunday, I WILL spare you pictures. I was reaching for something on the back of the kitchen counter, pulled my arm forward and knocked my hubby's foot log, 37lb mag lite flashlight on my toe. It was swollen and purple in 60 seconds. I still can't get shoes on and have been wearing flip flops to work... Really wish I had a pedicure recently!

My girls are in Florida with O'ma (my mom) she took them to the mall for some school shopping and texted me and asked
O'Ma - "What happened to my princesses? They want ugly clunky shoes"
Me - "The princess spell was broken when they hit puberty"
O'Ma - "That's why they kept the Disney princess locked in the tower for so long"

Haha YES! I just want to lock mine in the tower 1 week a month... Good Grief!

Worthy enough?

In January 1984, as my parents were tucking me into bed, they announced that they were getting a divorce. It was the first time I saw my dad cry. The next day it was the first time I realized that not all dad's drink.
In April 1984 my mom was remarried and we moved to a new town.
In July 1984, Not to be outdone by my mom, my dad remarried and moved his new family into my old house.
In Septemeber I entered the middle school, and on top of going through the normal pains of adolsence, I was the first person I ever heard of who's parents got divorced and remarried, and had step-parent, step-siblings, new grandparents and aunt and uncles... the whole thing was quite confusing.
I received a flyer to sign up for big brother/big sister... OH how I wanted someone to talk to, other than my m - o - m. I mean really, what could she POSSIBLY understand??? Unfornatually, it required a parents permission to sign up. When I mentioned it, my mom was appalled! I was told my life was not SO BAD... there are alot of people out there with it much worse than you... I can't say that I disagreed, but it didn't make the hurt I was going through any less. I believed that I could be taking the place of someone who "really" needed it.
Fast Forward 7 yrs...
My step dad was drinking and driving and killed in a car accident.
Fast Forward 20 yrs...
I have looked up alanon many times over the years, but could never get myself to actually go... The same feelings from 1984 emerged, that i didn't have it AS bad as some, and my grief/saddness wasn't worthy of attending.
The desire to connect and attend is stronger then it's ever been. I have looked up meetings, mapquested the locations, checked my schedule... but, what if I show up, share my story/grief/experience and the others, the ones who REALLY need it look at me and say... "That's it? That's all you got? Please sister, you don't know HOW good you had it" and once again my feelings are dismissed as invalid.

Dad

Just to let you know, I finally heard from my friend in Qatar... She has had no technology access, and when she finally got email access, she had a million to go through... So she is there, safe and sound...

Just when I though I could breathe easier about that... I got a sucker punch to the gut.
Juy 1st - May dad called, he wanted to tell me that he had a bunch of tests and surgery/procedure done the week before. He wasn't going to tell me anything until he got the results of the test, but my step-mom slipped and mentioned something to my brother. He knew I'd be upset if I heard second-hand (and he was right) so he wanted to let me know that it took place, but he was not going to tell me what he had done, not until the results came back in another week. Since he's 64, I'm thinking prostate...
July 8th - I waited all day for his call, at 5pm on my wayto show a house I decide to call. He won't tell me, and hands the phone off to my step-mom. He has cirrhosis of the liver. He is already coughing up blood, and...
...and unless he makes and extreme lifestyle change, the disease will progress very quickly.
I can assure you he has no plans to make any changes, and more than anything in the world, what breaks my heart more than anything...I just wish he valued his life as much as I value his life.