Squish

Today is the big day. I go not only for my first mammogram, but a diagnostic evaluation. Do you realize I just turned 37 on Wednesday? I am not post menopausal! This isn't supposed to be happening!

I am nervous, but had my mini melt down last week, now I just want the results so I can Move On!

I did have a nice weekend, flew to Florida to watch my sister get married. I was a small intimate wedding and super enjoyable.

I will keep you updated... appt is at 3:00 pm today.

My Humps

3 weeks ago I was getting out of the shower and saw a towel fuzzy on my R breast... I went to brush the fuzz off and I felt something weird. So I felt my breast again, than I felt my left breast to see if it felt the same way. It did not. I stood in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes feeling, poking, prodding trying to digest what in the world I was feeling. 

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, I said to Hubby "I need you to feel my breasts" I got the strangest look from him, but he complied. "Do you feel it?" He looked at me and said  "Your making a Dr appt first thing tomorrow morning" I didn't disagree.

That next morning, I called an OBGYN and made an appt for and annual check up and mentioned my recent discovery. First available appt was in 2 weeks. Everyday leading up to my appt I would wake up and check to see if the lump was still there. Then I'd check again, and again and again everyday. About 30 times a day.

Appt Day! Finally! I was hoping I'd go in, and the Dr would say "Oh That? Silly girl, that's just a "whatever" no need to worry" Instead she said "I am scheduling you for a diagnosgtic mammogram" and I have to wait another 2 weeks. This time, time is not passing by quickly. I am completely freaking myself out, going on to web md and cancer.org. I need to STAY AWAY from those sites.

To add to the torture I have been VERY selective as to who I've told about this. Because, my little sister is getting married this weekend, I don't want any of her much deserved attention diverted away from her. I figure, I don't know anything yet, so if I'm fine then there is no sense in worrying everyone, and if it is something... then we will have plenty of time to worry after the wedding.

My appt is monday, May 14th at 3pm - feel free to send up prayers for my health.

Tragedy & Sadness

Tragedy - Sunday after Thanksgiving, I ventured to the Sunday night service... the youth pastor is speaking tonight about letting God's love shine through you. 5am the next morning, hubby calls to say our friend's son shot himself, he is alive. These friends are more like acquaintances... they are not always easy to love. As I race to the hospital I pray... "God, let them see your love through me, let them see your mercy and grace and use me to show them your unconditional love... God let them see your love through me..." The entire family goes to see him almost every night... They say, you've done enough, you don't have too, and I know that, but it's not me showing them this love, like I said, I find them difficult to love sometimes, but God doesn't. He has simply answered my prayer and so I go with a loving heart that I am not capable of. He is healing physically, I hope spiritually as well. 2 1/2 weeks later, he may get to come home Tuesday... Pray for him and his family.


Sadness - The sadness has been a bit overwhelming lately, I thought I was healing, I wasn't crying over the loss of my dad daily anymore... but then, it crept back in and took hold. Only it's not daily, it's multiple times a day... I can't explain it. Hubby doesn't understand it, or... or is the sadness more than grief? I can't tell... I feel "ok" when I deliberately set my mind on other things, but at the slightest memory, my eyes fill with tears and I began deep breathes to hold it in... Am I grieving loss? Regret? Guilt? Or is it just the first Holiday?

Who's Buying?

Over Thanksgiving weekend we were decorating for Christmas and my Little P (Age 11) says to me:


P – Mommy you are just gonna have to tell me whether or not Santa Clause is real because one day I am going to have my own family and I need to know if I need to buy toys or if Santa is going to bring them.

I’ll give you a minute to roll on the floor cracking up

M- Is there something you need to tell me???

P – NO!

M- When you stop believing, Santa stops delivering.

Happy Thanksgiving

Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way!

Give thanks, even for the fleas. (The Hiding Place)

The very thing you are seeking deliverence from could be the same thing that is delivering you!

Christmas Sale!

There is a HUGE sale going on at Blessings Unlimited... Check out the amazing deals and Christmas gift ideas...  The Cake platters are 8" 10" & 12" all the pillows are Covers and the apron has the same pattern as the vase next to it. You can contact me on my website at:

www.myblessingsunlimited.net/jordan

or jnframpton@hotmail.com

Moms - could you weigh in here?

Does anyone else randomly burst into tears at the memory of picking up your smiling, drooling, chubby baby even though she is 11 yrs old? Or cry the entire way back to the office after you pick up your 14 yr old from school and drop her off at home, only to here her say "pooey"when you have to leave?
Or when your teen plays "Mary had a little lamb" on her flute for the first time? Or cheers at her first game?

I burst into tears when my daughter got a Birthday Card from my step-mom and I saw that my dad's name was excluded. Not that I expected it to be there, but then at the same time, it's absence was overwhelming.

Is this residual grief from losing my dad?

I've always done this, but not to the extent I am experiencing it now.

Just trying to figure out if this is relativly "normal" or at a"seek counceling" phase...